Fostering Resilience: Nurturing Grit in Our Kids
In the ever-changing landscape of parenting and education, there's one goal that truly stands out: fostering resilience in our children and teenagers. In a world that's constantly shifting and full of surprises, helping our kids develop that inner grit to face life's inevitable challenges is more important than ever. Now, my blog today might challenge some of you, especially as we seem to be living in a time where parents are often told they need to constantly entertain their children and rush in to rescue them the minute something gets a bit tough. If you're a firm believer in the 'don't say no to your child' philosophy, this blog might not be for you... feel free to scroll on if you think it might ruffle your feathers!
The Good Old Days: Finding Joy in 'Boredom'
For those of us who grew up in the 60s and 70s, I honestly don't remember ever being truly bored, and I certainly don't recall my parents feeling the need to constantly entertain me or my siblings. We just found stuff to do! We rode our bikes until the streetlights came on, played endless games with the other kids in the neighbourhood, built epic cubby houses, and got lost in countless books. What I often observe now, however, is a culture where parents feel compelled to ensure children always have a screen in front of them – whether it's in shopping trolleys, prams, or during car rides – alongside non-stop structured activities and endless parental interventions. While these strategies definitely have their time and place, they don't need to fill every single moment of the day.
This might come as a bit of a surprise, but current research actually suggests that allowing children to experience boredom and a little discomfort plays a crucial role in building resilience. It's a bit like letting them stretch their wings!
The Magic of Boredom: Sparking Creativity and Resourcefulness
Boredom, believe it or not, is a powerful spark for creativity. When children are given the space to be 'bored', they're far more likely to engage in imaginative play or pursue creative hobbies. These activities aren't just fun; they cultivate essential problem-solving skills, enhance their ability to cope with solitude, and help them develop a greater sense of self-motivation. Some studies even suggest that periods of boredom can actually boost our cognitive processes! By not rushing to fill every moment for our children, we're gifting them precious opportunities to become resourceful and self-sufficient – the true cornerstones of resilience.
Embracing Discomfort: The Path to Growth
As parents, our natural instinct is often to protect our children and smooth out any hurdles in their path. However, doing this excessively can unintentionally rob them of the chance to build psychological resilience. Experiencing discomfort – whether it's tackling a tricky task, navigating awkward social interactions, or overcoming setbacks – can be incredibly beneficial in developing important life skills.
Think about the growth mindset theory, made popular by psychologist Carol Dweck. This theory highlights that our abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work. When children and teens face challenges and experience failure, they learn endurance and the invaluable lesson that effort truly leads to improvement. Dweck’s research shows how students who embrace this mindset tend to perform better both academically and emotionally. Research also indicates that focusing on the effort a child or teenager is making is far more valuable in supporting their long-term achievement.
Praising a child’s efforts to become more skilled or to learn something new teaches them that the hard work they're putting in is what truly matters. For me, a school report card that says my child has excelled in their exams but indicates poor effort and attitude towards others is far more concerning than a report card with average results but great effort and a wonderful attitude. I've often told my own kids that I wouldn't employ someone based solely on great exam results. I employ primarily on attitude and values; skills and knowledge can always be taught to someone with the right mindset.
Practical Strategies for Fostering Resilience in Your Home
Encouraging our children to face and navigate challenges independently, while ensuring they know we’re always there for support, can foster their sense of competence, confidence, and belonging. It’s also important that our children learn that sometimes they may need to be patient and wait for your attention. Sometimes, saying, “no, you need to wait a moment” is exactly what a child needs to hear and learn how to do.
If you want to be more conscious about supporting your children in developing resilience, try using or adding some of these strategies to your day or week:
Unstructured Playtime: Dedicate periods in the day where children decide how to spend their time, free from screens and structured activities. Let their imaginations run wild!
Challenge Them Within Safe Boundaries: Encourage involvement in activities that gently push their comfort zones, such as trying a new sport, tackling complex puzzles, or participating in public speaking. Celebrate their courage to try!
Teach Respectful Waiting: Teach them how to get your attention without interrupting a conversation. A strategy I used with my children was to teach them to come and put their hand on my arm or hip and wait quietly if I was talking to someone. That way, I knew they needed my attention, and I could then find an appropriate moment to stop my conversation and attend to them. It’s a game-changer!
Model Resilient Behaviour: Share your own experiences of overcoming obstacles, demonstrating perseverance and how you constructively handle setbacks. Our kids learn so much from watching us.
Encourage Problem-Solving: When your child faces a problem, guide them in thinking through potential solutions instead of immediately offering the answer or fixing it for them. Empower them to find their own way.
Normalise Feelings of Discomfort: Teach them that feeling uncomfortable is a natural and often necessary part of learning and growing. It’s where the magic happens!
Parenting and guiding teenagers has never been a straightforward journey, but understanding the importance of boredom and discomfort can provide us with powerful tools to build resilient young adults. By stepping back and allowing children the space to navigate their own challenges, we enable them to develop the critical skills they’ll need to tackle uncertainties and improve their overall well-being.
Perhaps the greatest act of love is not constant protection, but empowering our children to protect themselves, equipping them not just to survive, but to thrive in the face of adversity. Embrace boredom and discomfort, and you may just find that these often-dismissed experiences are secretly nurturing strength, creativity, and resilience in your child’s heart and mind.
Recommended Reads for Nurturing Resilience in Kids
To further support you on this journey of fostering resilience in your children, here are a few highly recommended books that delve deeper into these powerful concepts:
"Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings" by Kenneth R. Ginsburg: A comprehensive guide offering practical strategies for parents to help children develop the core components of resilience.
"The Growth Mindset Coach: A Teacher's Month-by-Month Guide to Fostering Students' Potential" by Annie Brock and Heather Hundley: While aimed at teachers, the principles and activities in this book are highly adaptable for parents wanting to cultivate a growth mindset at home.
"The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired" by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson: This book emphasizes the importance of being present and connected, which is fundamental to building a secure base from which children can explore and develop resilience.
"A Kids Book About Boredom" by Kyle Steed: A wonderful resource for children themselves, helping them understand and embrace boredom as a catalyst for creativity and problem-solving.
As always, your insights and experiences enrich the conversation, and I encourage you to share your strategies and success stories in fostering resilience on our social pages or feel free to message me.
Yours in… creating environments in which our children and teenagers thrive.
Love,
Chelle ❤️
Special Education Complex Supports and Family Support Specialist
